


flower

by rydellon



Series: fictober 2018 [12]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: ;), Alternate Universe - Hanahaki Disease, Angst, Fictober 2018, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Unrequited Love, day twelve: flower, or is ir
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-01 06:58:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16279835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rydellon/pseuds/rydellon
Summary: you deeply dig into mch i try to cut you offno matter how much storms shake it upyou’ve already blossomed so muchyou taught me, you showed meflowers always bloom and witherbut you’re deeply digging into me, alwaysi’ll get hurt if i go closer to youi’ll embrace you with my arms





	1. Chapter 1

joshua hurt. 

 

his lungs ached, his throat felt like somebody had stuck steel wool down it and tried to clean it, he felt lightheaded due to the blockage in his throat, his fingers and toes feeling numb and preventing him from doing his job as an idol. 

 

he had already passed out in the practice room once, and that incident had landed him here, in the hospital, hooked up to an iv and surrounded by bouquets of the very things he was suffering from. 

 

he felt morning glories, sunflower petals, clumps of lavender, and dahlias crawling their way back up his throat, each’s meaning having been searched up by him in the wee hours of the morning, before his esophagus got scratched with leaves and the beautiful petals came out stained with red. 

 

morning glories for unrequited love, sunflowers for unwavering adoration, lavender for devotion, and dahlias for commitment. 

 

joshua had laughed when he had first found out. he wasn’t in that deep. two flowers for each man, that wasn’t that much. it wasn’t like he was going to let it go that far, right?

 

the fact that he was in a hospital disproved this statement. 

 

he coughed, and blood and crushed dahlia petals fell onto the sheets, staining the pure white with red. 

 

he had refused to get the surgery, refused the side effects that came along with it, refused to forget his love for those two, or even the two themselves. 

 

even though no one knew who he was protecting. 

 

he hadn’t told anyone who he was in love with, the feeling wrapping around his heart so tight he had grown four flowers in his lungs, and even though they begged, he would never tell them. 

 

he couldn’t. 

 

the older of his loves, a steady pillar, would take it to heart. blaming himself when joshua died he would close himself off, and joshua didn’t want to be the one responsible for that amount of sorrow shooting through that good of a person. 

 

the younger of his loves was a little different. while he would also take it to heart, it would be in a different way. he would berate himself constantly for not noticing that joshua was hurting, lashing out and snapping at anyone who tried to say otherwise. 

 

he would cause a rift in their relationship. 

 

no, he would just die peacefully like everyone else who refused to get rid of this damn disease. 

 

“joshuji!” jeonghan cried, swinging into joshua’s hospital room. 

 

“jisoo ah,” seungcheol smiled at joshua when he walked in. 

 

joshua gave them a weak smile but he knew it was too late, he could feel the petals tickling the back of his throat and grabbed the bag beside his bed just in time to start hacking up bunches of flowers. 

 

he felt someone (who's hand felt like seungcheol’s)  push his hair back from his head, and someone else (who’s hand felt like jeonghan’s) start rubbing his back. 

 

as much as he appreciated it, it just made him cough up more flowers, so while the sentiment was nice, it would have been better if it was avoided. 

 

he stopped soon after, jeonghan gingerly taking the bag away from his hands, unclenching his knuckles from their grip around the white plastic and setting it on the floor. 

 

seungcheol sat on joshua’s bed and pulled the younger’s head into his chest, stroking his hair while jeonghan disposed of the old plastic bag and grabbed a new one from the cupboard. 

 

“you still won’t tell us?” jeonghan asked, sinking onto the bed beside seungcheol. 

 

“no,” joshua murmured, a dry cough coming out of his throat. 

 

jeonghan watched the boy instinctively cover his mouth with his hand, then crumple the lavender clump and sunflower petals in his hand, opening his fist to reveal crumpled yellow and purple accompanied by a dark, gory red. 

 

“it’s ok,” seungcheol resumed his hugging. “you’re going to be ok jisoo ah. trust me.”

 

joshua giggled, and cuddled himself into jeonghan and seungcheol. 

 

“yeah, maybe,” he lied. 

 

(the couple left a few hours later, joshua asleep in his room. jeonghan took a step out of the room before he let out a cough, 

 

a burst of hydrangea petals fell out of his mouth, and he grimaced, looking at seungcheol helplessly. 

 

seungcheol shrugged, but felt the daisy in his pocket burning a hole where it lay, crushed. 

 

the two continued their walk out of the hospital, burdened with their twin flowers, each representing a different feeling they felt towards the man who they had left behind in the hospital. 

 

if only he wasn’t in love with someone else.)


	2. breathe

“hyung, you know if you don’t tell them you’re going to die,” joshua turned his face away from vernon’s not wanting to look the younger in the eye. 

 

“i don’t know what you’re talking about,” joshua argued, and vernon sighed. 

 

“jeonghan and seungcheol. if you don’t tell them you’re going to die.”

 

“i’m going to die either way,” joshua said, “it’s not as if they’ll magically start loving me back. that’s not how it works. my life isn’t some romance novel, so i might as well keep it from them to avoid them hurting in the end.”

 

vernon shifted in his chair and placed his hand on joshua’s back. 

 

“look,” he says, rubbing his hand in comforting circles, “you’re going to fucking hurt them more if you die without telling them. seungcheol hyung will make it his life mission to get it out of us and hunt down whoever it is that hurt you. jeonghan hyung will implode, you know how he is. because cheol hyung is going to get it out of us and jeonghan hyung’s going to fucking blame himself and everything will go to shit.”

 

“don’t tell them then. and how did you even find out? it’s not like i made it obvious.”

 

“you did. it’s you three, how could we not see it?” vernon let out a small, dry laugh. 

 

“look,” he argued. 

 

“just tell them when you’re going to die, that way it’s over and done with, and they’re not getting it from a secondary source. seriously. i don’t want to be the one to have to tell them, josh.”

 

josh hummed but didn’t say anything more, and vernon took that as his cue to leave the room, letting jeonghan and seungcheol back in. 

 

(((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))♡

 

joshua woke up that morning knowing he was going to die. 

 

he could feel leaves, stems, and petals fighting their way up his throat, battling it out to see who could suffocate him first. 

 

of course, seungcheol and jeonghan were trailing after a nurse as soon as visiting hours started, and landing his eyes on the two started joshua on a coughing fit, which was more blood than flower. 

 

joshua knew that the feeling he had that morning would come true.

 

as usual, everyone rotated through his room, jeonghan and seungcheol spending some time with him, nursing him through his constant coughing fit.

 

then came the maknaes, seungkwan and chan fussing over him while vernon just gave him a look. he knew very well why the younger was mad, and was happy he wouldn’t have to wait any longer.

 

after them came china line with soonyoung and seokmin, the the four smiling with him as they talked for a while. joshua was glad he got to spend more time with them.

 

wonwoo and mingyu came next, and wonwoo only watched as mingyu and joshua chatted, the surgery scar under his chest burning as he watched the love of his life talk to one of his favourite hyungs. he wished joshua had gotten the surgery, and joshua knew this.

 

there was just nothing he could do.

 

jihoon came last, not talking to joshua half the time he was there before pulling out a flash drive and plugging it into his laptop.

 

joshua made it through the whole song before coughing up a full, blood covered, dahlia. he smiled at jihoon and gave him a weak “thank you,” before he was ushered out of the room by seungcheol and jeonghan, who had ran in as soon as joshua had started coughing.

 

jihoon had called the song flower. joshua felt like that fit well.

 

and, suddenly, they were alone again.

 

joshua could basically feel the flowers clawing their way out of his throat, and turned to jeonghan and seungcheol.

 

“hey,” he choked out, and the two rushed to his side.

 

“look, i just want to say thank you for—” he coughed “—taking care of me. i know it must have taken a lot for you guys, so thank you.”

 

he didn’t listen to the reply, his throat getting more closed up, and he wanted to say more. he  _ needed  _ to say more.

 

“look, just let me speak,” he whispered, and the other two quieted it down.

 

“i…i feel like i should tell you who…who it was. who made me, y’know, cough up flowers.”

 

he saw jeonghan grab seungcheol’s hand, and he couldn’t even muster up the energy to cough.

 

“it was…it was you,” he looked at seungcheol. “and you.” he looked at jeonghan.

 

“i’m in love with you both,” he whispered. “i love you.” 

 

the last thing he heard before his vision went fully black was jeonghan yelling, and someone let out a sob.

 

his senses cut off, and the last thing he thought was  _ at least i told them. _

 

* * *

 

the first thing he saw when he woke up was a beautiful face with a halo of light surrounding it.

 

he opened his mouth to speak, but his throat felt so raw, like he had coughed for a long amount of time.

 

his chest also felt suddenly light, the lightest it had felt in months.

 

“fuck, joshua, jisoo ah, josh, fuck, can you hear us?” a voice was calling.

 

joshua squeezed his eyes shut again, and re-opened them, seeing a doctor, seungcheol, and jeonghan all crowded around him.

 

“am i dead?” he croaked out, and the doctor laughed.

 

“no, not yet, but you sure threw up a lot of dead stuff,” he checked a few of the machines, and then nodded, writing some things down on a clipboard before smiling at him.

 

“looks like your vitals are ok. i’ll come back later to check your throat, but it seems like some people want to talk to you.”

 

the doctor glanced at a few more things before stepping out of the room, letting jeonghan and seungcheol step closer to him.

 

“you said you were in love with us,” jeonghan whispers, and joshua looks away.

 

“yeah,” joshua says.

 

“fuck joshuji why didn’t you tell us? fuck oh my god, we love you too,” jeonghan threw himself onto him, seungcheol grabbing josh’s hand.

 

“you…love me too?” joshua says, and seungcheol nods, jeonghan just burying himself further into joshua’s chest. 

 

“we both had your flower growing in our lungs, but, joshua, now it’s ok. now we can be together and  _ happy _ joshua…”

 

“you two…want? to be with me?” joshua asked.

 

jeonghan’s “of course!” was screamed into his skin, and when seungcheol looked over at seungcheol the older said the same thing.

 

joshua let himself curl around jeonghan, seungcheol joining them on the bed, joshua falling into a deep sleep, curled between the two of them, finally  _ finally _ able to breathe.

 

maybe he could be happy, maybe it would all be ok.

 

maybe he could finally let out the breath he was holding in.

 

maybe he could finally let himself have whatever he wanted, let himself breathe. 

**Author's Note:**

> :(
> 
> dw they end up happy in my version. how is up to you!!


End file.
